Mothering.

I've never thought of myself as the mothering type. I've never gravitated towards babies - if I feel compelled to "ooo" and "ahh" I do so from a distance. If you have a baby, its unlikely I'll ask if I can hold him or her.

I always equated having a child with a lot of work and responsibility rather than fun and wonderment. Hence my apprehension about having children, even just one. I knew it would be a big adjustment for me - that being a mother wouldn't come naturally to me. This was highlighted even more by Tim's natural instincts as a father. Kids gravitate to him. They must sense his superior capabilities as a care-giver and provider of needs and affection.

So when I learned I was pregnant, the "excitement" that everyone constantly asks you about - if I was asked "Are you excited?!?!" once in the past 10 months, I was asked a thousand times - was not present right away, nor was it readily available as Jack's arrival got closer.

Don't get me wrong - it's not that I wasn't looking forward to meeting Jack - the perfect sum of Tim and I. I just didn't know what to expect from myself - would I be a good mom? Would I be as good a mother as the examples set for me by other women in my life? Or would I be too self-absorbed to give my baby the best he deserved? Would I sink into a deep hole of postpartum depression? Would my marriage unravel from all the stress? What if something was wrong with Jack? What if he had down-syndrome, or some sort of birth defect? What if he was deaf, or blind, or.... (fill in the blank)? All these questions, though they stayed at bay for the most part of my pregnancy, did tend to cloud my better judgement as well as my ability to feel any sort of excitement. I spent a lot of my time praying over this little baby, begging God that he be whole and healthy and that no harm would come to him. And of course, God is good and gave us our little miracle (and he is such a miracle) in perfect time and place. I can't tell you how many times I woke up that first night after his birth with praises pouring from lips for God's goodness and mercy.

The other day I was asked, "Do you love being a mom?!?" and I really didn't have a concise answer. Truth be told, I'm still figuring out what it means to be a mom. I'm still getting comfortable in my mothering skin as well as trying to knit together this new identity with the old. I have yet to truly feel what it is to be a mother. It's as if my brain hasn't caught up with reality - as if it can not fathom how Lauren Myers is suddenly a mom. And so the label sits uncomfortably in the wings, waiting to be welcomed in. And while I know I'll never be the kind of mom that identifies herself, no matter what the context, as "Jack's Mommy" (I'm determined never to lose my sense of self in the life of my child) I'm certain that in the very near future, I will own my role as "mother" with confidence and ease. For now, I know this - I love that God gave me Jack and I love that God chose me to look after him. Jack is easy to love, that's for certain. And every day my love for him grows more and more.

Jack's Arrival!

This baby has ushered in so many answered prayers, so many blessings, so much love and so much cuteness! He truly is our little miracle, from conception to birth. I'll share his birthing story soon so you can all share in it too (and so I never forget the details!).

Jack Elijah Myers

Born June 9, 2010

7 lbs 14 oz, 20 inches long

Perfect

To Alere.

Thank you for providing free diabetes testing supplies and insulin over the course of the past few months. You truly helped me out in a time of need and I appreciate your services.

However, I must confess I will not miss calling you every day to punch in my numbers nor will I miss your follow-up phone calls which always result in the same repetitive conversation.

I especially won't miss having to remember to pee on those little keytone sticks every morning when I get up - which has resulted in a nervous tick every time I pee because I feel as though I'm forgetting to do something important.

While I am grateful for our brief encounter, and always shall be, I'm just as grateful to be free from you. Thank you and goodbye.

Yours cordially,

Lauren Myers, recovering gestational diabetic

Comin' Along.

Lauren is sleeping next to me but somehow managed to dozily comment to me that I should write a blog. So, here we are.

Everything is comin' along. We were in the apartment yesterday and got Jack's room pretty much all set up. We're getting more things moved in almost every day and I think we're getting really excited to get all moved into the apartment and make it our home.

Everything is comin' along. Jack seems to be getting bigger by the minute, evidenced by Lauren's ever growing belly and her nausea caused by all his little growth hormones running amok in there.

Everything is comin' along. Lauren and I had a great Bible study together last night looking at the first few verses of Romans 6 and talking about what it means to be fully United with Christ in both His death and resurrection and what that is meant to look like in our lives. Convicting, powerful, and a solid reminder of our call to humility and dependence on the Glory of God.

Everything is perfect. God is on the throne and as long as we set our eyes to Him and seek unbroken fellowship with Him through Faith, Humility, and Obedience, we have nothing to fear.

Romans 6:4 "Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life."

Tired.

It's hard for me to keep my eyes open today and the baby isn't even here yet. This does not bode well.

Yesterday Tim won tickets from a radio contest. He didn't even know what the prize was, but since he knew the answer to the quiz he decided to call the number and waddya know, he got right through and won............... four tickets to see the new Shrek movie. Nothing too special, but better than a kick in the pants as I always say.

Jack's dresser was put together by his daddio yesterday. It's a nicer dresser than I've ever had. And he's just a baby. A baby who will become a toddler who will probably climb all over it and not appreciate just how nice a dresser it really is. We also finally found a piece of furniture to store all his books in which I'm pumped about. His room is coming together nicely :)

My next ultrasound, which I think will be THE ultrasound, isn't till next Thursday which feels like forever and ever. And by THE ultrasound, I mean... the one that will determine whether they induce me earlier than 39 weeks. Such suspense!

Yesterday I was craving turkey chili. Today I am craving tuna casserole. I haven't had cravings for a while. Maybe it's Jack's way of getting his last "real" meals in before he arrives.

102.1 FM

There's a radio station that plays soft rock music that we sometimes listen to when we're really desperate. Tim says that no matter what, whenever we switch it on I always seem to know the song and can sing along with it even though he's never heard it before. It boggles his mind apparently, especially since the songs are from the late 80s/early 90s. This has now become a game that I'm determined to win -so I always love switching it to that station when we're in the car together just to see if his theory proves correct.

And 95% of the time it does. I feel a mixture of shame and pride about this.

Baby Shower #1.

Today was our first baby shower!! Tim's mom (and sister) did an amazing job of putting it all together and we were so blessed to receive such love and support from family and friends, not to mention all the great presents! We were especially excited about each of the books we received to add to Jack's library :)