Moving to Tumblr.

The time has come because I no longer have the time.

I'm not shutting this site down, but I won't post here regularly anymore - mostly because I fail miserably to post regularly to begin with. I also find blogspot a bit... restricting.

From this day forth, I shall be collecting snapshots of life and thought and dream here on tumblr:

http://www.birdboxink.tumblr.com/

It will be less on everyday life and more on the things of life. You can still see pictures of Jack, if that's why you visit, and you can still get a snapshot of our life from time to time. But I need a place to collect, for lack of a better word.

I hope it inspires you in some way; that's what I'm hoping it will do for me.

Lighter.

It's amazing how a good haircut can make everything seem brighter.

Ok, I don't really mean that - I'm not quite sure why the haircut I got yesterday has lifted my spirits. It's a really good haircut - I think so, anyways. Plus it was free, and free is always a nice word. But I think the more significant part of the evening was seeing Tim's aunt and uncle (who we adore) and the fact that we could hang out sans baby as well as hear about a possible job opportunity at a restaurant near where they live. We even discussed the possibility of moving out their way if Tim actually ended up getting a job there. Of course, it's all here say at the moment. But when you're job hunting, and desperately job hunting at that, any sort of lead on a source of income is a flicker hope; a light at the end of one very dark tunnel to give you the energy to keep going.

And for whatever reason, I woke up this morning feeling more optimistic about things than I have in weeks. I feel as though we're close, that something is about to break through and relieve a bit of the pressure that's been building up.

Maybe it was the haircut and the fact that I have my beloved bangs back that made my outlook rosier.

But I suspect it was sensing God making a way where there is no way. As He's been doing all along.

"Behold, I will do something new,

Now it will spring forth:

Will you not be aware of it?

I will even make a roadway in the wilderness

Rivers in the desert"

Isaiah 43:19

(note: I try not to take verses out of context and apply them to my situation to feel better. However, while I believe this verse is speaking into the coming of Christ, the idea of God carving a path before us is universal)

It's tough being a baby...

I think I update the design of this blog more than I update the blog itself.

Sorry folks - to the few of you that faithfully read this anyways!

Tonight shall be no different in my lack of real information - Jack is getting multiple teeth, he has a cold, is most likely constipated, and it all came to a head tonight while we were having dinner with a couple who we're just getting to know. I think I said, "He's not normally like this" about five times. We almost left in the middle of dinner. It was that bad.

Poor guy. Aside from Tylenol and any sort of laxative (homeopathic or otherwise) there's not much we can do for him :( Listening to your child cry in agony from physical discomfort and knowing there's nothing you can do to help has got to be one of the worst feelings ever.

I can only imagine what its like to be in Jack's tiny little body at the moment, and I'd be crying to if I were him.

Soothe.

After a day like today, when tears seemed always at the ready, this verse is like salve on a wound (photo credit: Irene Suchocki):

Questions

15 weeks today and that little baby to the right just keeps getting skinnier... (?)

Our life right now is all.about.waiting. Waiting for lots of answers to questions like:

Are we moving to Canada?

Will Tim find a job in Cleveland?

Is the baby a boy or a girl?

What are we going to do about healthcare?

Will we have to go on welfare if Tim doesn't find a job?

Can we even afford to move?

Is the baby healthy?

Will we find the support we need?

I know all these questions will be answered in due time and that God is in control of this situation. I know that He has a plan that I can't yet see (but oh how I wish he'd let me take a peek!) I know that he is using this time of uncertainty to strengthen our faith. I know everything will somehow be ok in the end. I know that I should never rush the present into the future, since I don't know what the future holds.

I know all these things, and yet still I'm impatient for answers. My "need to know" nature is a burden at times like this. It lays itself on my chest like a great weight that causes me to have to take deep breaths and exhale slowly throughout the day to relieve the pressure.

I know all these things, but I pray that God will sustain me in the midst of all my questions and allow me the peace of mind that comes with finding contentment regardless of my circumstances.

A Bitter Root

"Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" Hebrews 12:14-15

I feel as though a bitter root has found its home in my heart. When it was first planted, I know not. But it's there and I'm beginning to realize how easily it can ensnare my thoughts and words. Since being made aware of its presence, I now feel armed with the ability to fight its negative tone with a spirit of wanting to see the good side of every soul and situation. Heaven forbid I leave this earth being thought of as someone who constantly complained and pointed out the failures and faults in every little thing. I fear that I've become a very critical person with a heart of stone, instead of a heart of flesh. What grieving this brings to the Spirit!

Lord, help me to be a voice of encouragement and thanksgiving; may my words speak life over situations and souls!

"From the fruit of their mouth a person's stomach is filled;

with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.

The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Proverbs 18:20-21

Waiting for the light to change.

Since my last post not a lot has changed; we still feel a bit unsettled in where we're at and definitely impatient to just get on with transitioning into a new job and routine. Sadly, Canada is no longer looking like a viable option at this point. While the prospects of moving so far so quickly were a bit daunting, we both felt excited about the idea of starting fresh.

But whether here or there, we've decided it's time to take some steps toward proactively seeking out better support groups and situations. A lot of that though is going to have to come first and foremost from us. From me especially with my attitudes about things.

For now I just want to move on. And its hard still being in that holding place. It's hard knowing something is coming to an end without having a clear "next point of arrival" in sight. That said, I'm trying to be thankful for what we have now and not rush the unknown which could prove to be way more challenging than our situation now. Or - and here's my hope - it could be a situation that is so much better suited to our growing family.

Speaking of growing - Jack is taking steps (literally) towards becoming a full-on toddler. Within the span of about ten days he went from army crawling to crawling properly to walking! He's still a bit unsteady on his feet, but with every passing day he takes more and more steps without faltering. He also had his first haircut and its amazing the difference it makes in his "maturing" appearance. Since he tends to throw a fit when I try to cut his nails, I wasn't quite sure how he'd react to having his hair trimmed (it was beginning to look like a mullet at the back). But with a bit of vanilla ice cream to distract him, it was a walk in the park!