Soothe.

After a day like today, when tears seemed always at the ready, this verse is like salve on a wound (photo credit: Irene Suchocki):

Questions

15 weeks today and that little baby to the right just keeps getting skinnier... (?)

Our life right now is all.about.waiting. Waiting for lots of answers to questions like:

Are we moving to Canada?

Will Tim find a job in Cleveland?

Is the baby a boy or a girl?

What are we going to do about healthcare?

Will we have to go on welfare if Tim doesn't find a job?

Can we even afford to move?

Is the baby healthy?

Will we find the support we need?

I know all these questions will be answered in due time and that God is in control of this situation. I know that He has a plan that I can't yet see (but oh how I wish he'd let me take a peek!) I know that he is using this time of uncertainty to strengthen our faith. I know everything will somehow be ok in the end. I know that I should never rush the present into the future, since I don't know what the future holds.

I know all these things, and yet still I'm impatient for answers. My "need to know" nature is a burden at times like this. It lays itself on my chest like a great weight that causes me to have to take deep breaths and exhale slowly throughout the day to relieve the pressure.

I know all these things, but I pray that God will sustain me in the midst of all my questions and allow me the peace of mind that comes with finding contentment regardless of my circumstances.

A Bitter Root

"Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" Hebrews 12:14-15

I feel as though a bitter root has found its home in my heart. When it was first planted, I know not. But it's there and I'm beginning to realize how easily it can ensnare my thoughts and words. Since being made aware of its presence, I now feel armed with the ability to fight its negative tone with a spirit of wanting to see the good side of every soul and situation. Heaven forbid I leave this earth being thought of as someone who constantly complained and pointed out the failures and faults in every little thing. I fear that I've become a very critical person with a heart of stone, instead of a heart of flesh. What grieving this brings to the Spirit!

Lord, help me to be a voice of encouragement and thanksgiving; may my words speak life over situations and souls!

"From the fruit of their mouth a person's stomach is filled;

with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.

The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Proverbs 18:20-21

Waiting for the light to change.

Since my last post not a lot has changed; we still feel a bit unsettled in where we're at and definitely impatient to just get on with transitioning into a new job and routine. Sadly, Canada is no longer looking like a viable option at this point. While the prospects of moving so far so quickly were a bit daunting, we both felt excited about the idea of starting fresh.

But whether here or there, we've decided it's time to take some steps toward proactively seeking out better support groups and situations. A lot of that though is going to have to come first and foremost from us. From me especially with my attitudes about things.

For now I just want to move on. And its hard still being in that holding place. It's hard knowing something is coming to an end without having a clear "next point of arrival" in sight. That said, I'm trying to be thankful for what we have now and not rush the unknown which could prove to be way more challenging than our situation now. Or - and here's my hope - it could be a situation that is so much better suited to our growing family.

Speaking of growing - Jack is taking steps (literally) towards becoming a full-on toddler. Within the span of about ten days he went from army crawling to crawling properly to walking! He's still a bit unsteady on his feet, but with every passing day he takes more and more steps without faltering. He also had his first haircut and its amazing the difference it makes in his "maturing" appearance. Since he tends to throw a fit when I try to cut his nails, I wasn't quite sure how he'd react to having his hair trimmed (it was beginning to look like a mullet at the back). But with a bit of vanilla ice cream to distract him, it was a walk in the park!