beating the odds.

Maybe it's just because I'm hyper-aware of it, but I feel like I keep coming across stories of sweet little babies with huge physical challenges.  One of my doctors told me that 1 in 150 babies have heart defects and it was something like 1 in 10 babies have a birth defect in general (I asked, he didn't offer this information to worry me.)

With Jack, I was super stressed from the beginning about defects, about the chances of problems arising (given my medical history) and always about things like autism and... well anything you can think of really. With this baby, I've been a lot more distracted which means I've also worried a lot less. But I feel as though it's made me a little more careless with my pregnancy.  I'm not as careful about my nutrition and I'm less stringent about taking my prenatal vitamins. 

With each ultrasound (especially the 18 week one) I would hold my breath, waiting to see if something was wrong.  I have been so thankful every time I see those four healthy heart chambers working hard, just like they should.  And every time I hear the words "The baby looks fine." More and more it feels like the odds are against us. So I'm that much more thankful when I hear good news. As with Jack, I'm at the point now where I just want this baby "out" so I can see him and count his toes and fingers and no longer wonder if everything's truly ok.

Which is why I'm so grateful for prayer, and for the comfort and solace it brings to my soul in those moments when I remember that God is in total control of what's happening with our baby. That no matter what happens, its His plan and there are no accidents or mistakes along the way - at least not on His end of things. That's what I've learned from the parents of Bowen and Issac.  Their unwavering faith in the face of what would have given any person reason to doubt is humbling.  Please take a moment to read a little of their stories, and to keep these precious babies in your prayers.

(side note: I don't personally know either of these families; I just happened across their blogs through other people)

thankful.

Loving the work of Madeline Bea. 

This is what I strive for.

God has been blessing our family through the generosity of others in so many ways these past few months. His provision never seems to stop flowing down and I am never without reason to be thankful at the end of each day. Here are some of the amazing people he has used to show His goodness through:

{my parents}

who live with open palms, always ready to be generous to others. they have been so helpful in taking care of different aspects of putting together the boys' new room (among hundreds of other things over the course of my life. they're incredible people, truly). my mom is also my most faithful and reliable babysitter. and today she treated me to lunch, just to brighten my day.

{my brother-in-law & sister}

who have always been two people I can count on to "be there." that means a lot. they also are the reason we live in such a beautiful, affordable home. without their generosity, our living situation would probably be much different.

{our pastor & friend (and my boss) dwight}

who, along with another beloved co-worker, have made sure we are taken care of in the way of health insurance until I finish up work at the end of this year. they lifted a huge weight from our shoulders by making sure our coverage didn't end while i'm pregnant.

{two shall-remain-nameless people}

who sent us checks in the mail. we've never asked for money. and yet, these two kind souls took it upon themselves to make sure we wouldn't go without. 

incredible.

{marge brady}

what a gift it is when someone takes the time to help you when no one else will. on a day when my insurance company was of no help and it was looking like I'd have to pay hundreds of $$ out of pocket for diabetes testing supplies (cue lots of stress and tears) this lady made sure to return my call and reassure me that i'd have my supplies (free of charge) in a matter of days. I think I thanked her about five times. she also called a few days later to see how I was doing. 

{gwendolyn}

who reads my blog and offered to donate her children's old wooden kitchen set + a wooden play washing machine to us after she saw my post about Jack's Christmas present. free of charge. and we have yet to meet in person. i was so blessed by this gesture!

I don't want to end this post without thanking everyone for their prayers throughout this sometimes difficult season in our life. Those prayers have helped to keep me feeling surrounded by love and support - they are of so much value to us. It's a comfort to know that we have such incredible friends and family looking out for us. 

There is so much to be Thankful for this year. 

And to be able to say that is a blessing in and of itself.

stir-fried chicken salad

I finally got around to making this tonight. Near the end of the process I was sure there wouldn't be enough marinade left over to dress the salad and I was already counting it a fail. But it turned out to be really tasty and best of all, really light and healthy. Definitely recommend.

stumped.

We heard an ad on the radio the other day that started with the line "You know what's better than getting exactly what you wished for this season? Getting more than you wished for." Gosh I hope that's never my attitude. Christmas can bring out the greediness in all of us, if we're not careful. Especially children. I don't want my sons to grow up expecting to receive a long list of stuff they'll have gotten bored with or forgotten about by the following year.  I also don't want the true meaning of Christmas - celebrating the birth of Christ - to get lost in the fog of what's under the tree.

BUT -  I still love the excitement and joy of giving and receiving thoughtful gifts. I'm always more excited about the stockings than I am the bigger presents - perhaps because they hold so much mystery - and I still fall asleep with giddy anticipation on Christmas Eve night. That's why I'm particularly excited for this year, because it truly marks the beginning of making the holiday special for a little someone named Jack. This includes picking out a couple fun gifts. The problem is, I'm still stumped on what to get him. So far, I found one of my favorite Christmas books on sale and that's as far as I've gotten. I'd also like to get him something to play with. My two main concerns are (i) the price (ii) the probability that he'll actually play with it more than twice. Of course, the little brother I'm about to give birth to pretty much equals COVERS.ALL.BASES... but since he won't be arriving till after Christmas, here are some of my other ideas:

Melissa & Doug Wooden Blocks

I've had my eye on these for months and they received great reviews on Amazon 

but they're also $45.04 which is double what I'm wanting to spend.

Educo Kitchen Playset

I know there's tons of ways to build your own DIY kids kitchens but I'm just not that handy. This is another gift I can't afford even though its on sale for $83.03. But I love it, especially since it's so compact and because it's made out of wood, not plastic. I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, it'll go down in price on Black Friday.

Melissa & Doug Cutting Food Box

This is the most affordable idea so far at $15.91. There's a ton of different varieties of play food sets to choose from, but I especially like the ones where you can "slice" the food. I like the Melissa and Doug brand (again, because most of their toys are made from wood) and this was one of the highest rated sets. The only thing I don't like is that it comes in a crate rather than a basket, since that'll be harder for him to carry around. 

Jack will be 18 months in December, an age that is still sort of "in between" when it comes to enjoying toys but not quite being able to pretend play or spend more than 10-15 mins at a time focusing on an activity. So, it's really inconsequential what I choose. Whatever it is, I hope my boys grow up with the same excitement each year for the Christmas season, whether we're "well fed or poor," and that they learn the importance of treasuring all that we have to give thanks for.

Especially the birth of Jesus.

let's try this again.

At the beginning of this year, I was inspired by my cousin Tara to create a list of ten things I wanted to achieve in 2011. I was able to think of four and only managed to achieve .... one. I read 3-5 books (double that, if you count the fact that I read The Little House series for the zillionth time as well as a few Nancy Drew books):

I know it's not quite the end of the year and I still technically have time to achieve the other three goals, but the chances of me "writing a song on the guitar" or "starting and finishing a knitting project" are slim to none - mostly none. The Etsy shop thing is also too far beyond my current priorities to bother with at the moment. {Guess which one (the only one) of Tim's goals he clearly achieved for the year}.

Although 2011's list might have been a complete fail, I'm undeterred and already thinking about a list for 2012. I'd like to try and put down ten this time, though number one might just have to be "Getting through 2012" since I'll be conquering the world of 2 kids under 2 (please say a pray for me that Tim does NOT set the same goal #3 as he did last year).  So far, this is what I've got:

{1} Learn to use my Canon camera on manual and take the next step up with my photography.
{2} Get back in shape after having baby (i.e. dust off the elliptical).
{3} Start or join a home group.
{4} Learn how to make two household products (i.e. laundry detergent).

This time I'm not stopping at four - I will get five* more things down on that list before January 2012. And hopefully in a year's time I'll be able to claim victory over more than just one of them.

* wow can you tell I'm bad at math? It took me about three proof reads before I noticed that 4 + 5 does not = 10. Thankfully I already thought of a fifth anyways:

{5} Finish reading all three of Francis Chan's books (Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God, Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit, and Erasing Hell: What God Said About Eternity, and The Things We Made Up)

inspired!

We received that $6 art in the mail today. I created it for the blank wall in the front room, but realized after purchasing it that it would be a difficult size to frame. I'd have to buy matting on top of the cost of the frame to make it work and there's not extra money like that just lying around. Not to mention, I'm not in love with the final product.

No matter - I think I found my *free* solution! While browsing Pinterest, I came across this ingenious idea. It's actually meant to be a creative "guest book" for weddings, but I think I could easily recreate it (minus writing "Timothy & Lauren" at the bottom. No thanks). I've got a huge blank canvas that Tim bought me years ago, a box of paints that have been sorely neglected and most importantly, a pair of thumbs (necessary for the making of the leaves). The trick will be finding the time and space to work on it - hopefully during those precious Jack-naps. Watch this space!

to do list: the green table

I wanted to complete a small task tonight so I decided to tackle another piece of furniture in the dining room: the green table. Our apartment seriously lacks functional storage space which is why we have so much furniture with drawers and built-in cupboards. This has resulted in us living like squirrels, tucking things here and there, behind things and under things not always out of sight but sometimes out of mind. This probably accounts for why we have double of a lot of things; stuff gets so jumbled together it's easy to miss or completely forget that you already own three bottles of super glue. The drawers below are perfect examples of this. They serve as a catch-all for random stuff we don't know what else to do with: extra headphones, a marker to cover up scratches on a car, a cigar (Tim's), and an empty bag that says "keep this away from babies and children" (did I mention this drawer is at Jack's height?).

I'm amazed at how many loose screws and various wall hanging devices and tools we have. I ended up condensing them into one of Jack's old shoe boxes (it's tiny) since I had absolutely no idea what else to do with them. Of course, now I have to find somewhere to put that box, which brings me back to my point about lacking functional storage space. One of the frustrating parts about this project was just how much stuff I had nowhere to relocate! Some of it I'm ashamed to even say we had within Jack's reach (including a rusty nail and all those bottles of super glue) and though he's learned to leave these drawers alone, I'd rather not risk finding him gluing his head to the floor. So while I'm happy with the way the drawers look now, I still have a box of leftovers that I don't have a place for.

I still feel like the drawers are full of random stuff but at this point I'm satisfied. I also found a spot for Tim's blood pressure monitor (in the CVS bag) which was previously stored under the coffee table in full view. And yes, I do know that batteries are NOT kid friendly, but at this point I'm just happy there's nothing in there Jack can impale himself with. Unless you count that rather sharp edged ruler. Or the screw drivers. *sigh* I'm going to count it as a win for now. When one of the kitchen drawers is free, I'll find them a new home.