Will I be awake for the surgery, or will they have to put me under?
What if I wake up and something terrible is wrong with the baby?
What if I get a spinal and it causes paralysis?
Is the baby going to be just as healthy?
What will he look like?
Will the recovery be just as smooth?
How am I going to manage two children once I get home?
I know - I sound completely erratic. But giving birth is a big deal people! Of course, the answer to all of these questions is - no one but God knows. I think I have such troubling thoughts because I read these blogs, and the reality is - not every child is given a clean bill of health. So I'm just running through prayer after prayer, pleading with Jesus to watch over us, have mercy on me and the baby and to bless us with a smooth delivery and a healthy child. It feels like a lot to ask for - I don't know why. Bottom line: I can't wait for it to be tomorrow and have my answers, whether they're what I hope for or not. Bringing another person into this world is such a crazy, overwhelming, miraculous, chaotic, beautiful thing to be a part of. It's ... profound. And as much as I have questions to keep me mindful that this baby is coming, the fact that there will be a fourth member in our family by this time tomorrow feels completely unreal.
You'd think - with a day left to go - I'd have the nursery completely ready to go. And in terms of functionality, its all good. But there are a still a few pictures to hang so for now I'll reveal baby #2's corner of the room, which is simple but cheerful:
It's not much - and I think I'll hang a picture on that wall to the right, but for now it'll do! Jack will be staying at my mom's tonight since we have to be at the hospital for 5:30 a.m. so I'm hoping that (after a nice dinner at the Cheesecake Factory!) we'll have some time to finish up the room.
So... please, if you're one who prays - remember us tonight and tomorrow morning in your conversation with God. And pray too for those little ones I mentioned above who are fighting for their health.