5 months

Jack,

I started writing this several weeks ago, but finishing it got lost in the shuffle of our busy lives. Perhaps it was good though, because it's given me more time to reflect on the fact that we're already almost halfway through your first year with us. It seemed to fly by, just as everyone forewarned. And they weren't kidding when they said how important it is to savour every moment. I think your dad and I need to be better about that - about setting aside special, uninterrupted, all-eyes-on-you time. Not that we don't devote lots of hours in the day to your care, but it's different when we make our world stop for a moment and take stock of how special it is to be together.

Since my last letter a few new things have happened in your little life. First and foremost - you rolled over for the first time! You actually did it twice in a row (and looked pretty shocked when it happened) and then waited several weeks to roll over for your dad, since he wasn't there the first time. Aside from the past couple of weeks, you've also started to learn how to go to sleep for most if not all of the night, which is lovely - please keep this habit up!

Every now and then you enjoy watching "Pingu," the claymation penguin and you're still a pretty big football fan. I don't like to encourage much t.v. watching though.... I try to keep things organic. You also love your fancy giraffe teething toy (basically a glorified dog chew toy) which your dad and I are happy about because that thing was kind of expensive. You've also begun to excel at the jolly jumper - it's fun to watch you pump your little legs with an expression of purpose on your face. Cameron, daddy and I also made up a jolly jumper jingle that we'll have to teach you when you're older.

You've become so much better about letting family members and even strangers hold you. For a while there you only wanted daddy or I which, while it made us feel very special, hurt a lot of people's feelings, especially the Grandpas. You also really enjoy being around other children, perhaps because they're your size, and you always get a little twinkle in your eye when they're around. Daddy keeps saying we need to make a little sister or brother for you so you can always have someone to play with, but I'm content to have you to myself for now.

I can't wait to enter into the Christmas season with you, especially since your only a couple weeks away from being 6 months old, which is often thought of as the best age in the first year. Just your presence in our lives is going to make this year so much more special than any we've experienced.

I also can't wait for you to start eating real food! You've had a taste or two of it already and I think you can't wait to get started either. You even love taking little sips from our cups of water, though it usually just ends up with you blowing bubbles or letting it all fall out of your mouth.

Alright, this is getting very long now. Thanks for being such a good natured little babe and for being so darn cute all the time! We love you to bits and pieces.

Love,

Mummy and Dad

Oo-dee-doo!

I feel like I'm really starting to come into my mothering skin - that I'm finally embracing a role I held at bay for so long. Of course, its made easy when you have a sweet little man like I do - whose cuteness makes the hearts of many melt. I find myself looking forward to holding him in my arms again and anticipating that little grin he gives me when we first spot each other after a long work day.

His love for me is so inconceivable sometimes; to think this little man thinks the world of me and prefers me over everyone else.... especially when I would consider so many greater, godlier women in my life more equipped to be his mother than I ever would consider myself. I feel like saying to Jack, "Are you sure you pick me to take care of you? Because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do half as good a job as your Nan." And whether he could understand this query or not, he'd probably still give me that adorable toothless grin he always does, sending me over the edge into an oblivion of cheek kissing and squeals of "ooo-deee-dooo" (my special call of affection).

Jack - you are wonderful. Truly wonderful. I love you so much.

Jack's Birth Story : The Preface

I never did get around to sharing Jack's birth story and I'd still like to do that, maybe in a few days when I have some spare time to really think back on the details and reencounter that oh so special day in our family's history. For now I want to share part of the backstory...

I want to start by expressing how broken I am with gratefulness for being given a healthy baby, particularly in light of what could have been. There are many parents out there who, though they themselves are given a clean bill of health their whole life, are faced with the often heart-breaking challenge of walking through a serious illness with their child. This gratefulness became so tangible today when I came across The Hammitt Family. Please, please, please remember to pray for Bowen and his family. They so desperately need your prayers, especially in light of yesterday's news.

click here to read Bowen's story

I can't imagine the pain of watching your child suffer, of watching him or her spend those first few precious months of life in the hospital... or worst of all, the pain of never bringing them home. The real amazing part of it all is reading about this family's faith in the midst of these trials - of their awareness of God's goodness, of His sovereignty in the situation, and the conviction that their son's heart, even with its defects, is a gift.

My own parents faced this trial, spending the first several months of my life in the hospital with me, watching me undergo risky surgeries and coming to grips with the great possibility they may never take me home. My dad even baptized me in the hospital, after being told I may not live more than a few days. I shudder at the thought of having to endure such terrible pain. The fear of these circumstances is what keeps me from wanting to "risk my luck" with another pregnancy - as if lightening can't strike twice. But of course, there's the small voice deep down that reminds me that "...with God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)

My family will attest to what a miracle Jack, and his perfect whole and healthy self, is in consideration of the body he was crafted inside. Throughout my life I've had various health issues though, praise God and God alone, nothing chronic. I've had a number of surgeries including the removal of one of my fallopian tubes where it was also discovered that I have endrometriosis (a condition closely associated with infertility) - another reason it's unfathomable that I not only conceived, but conceived very quickly.

I'll say it again and again, praise be to God and God alone for what he has done in my life and the life of my family. He has poured out so many undeserved blessings upon us, and when I say undeserved I mean it. We have done nothing to earn what He has given us and his grace and generosity continues to be abundant and inexhaustible.

We have so very much to be thankful for.

Jack's Birth Story coming soon....

Lessons.

I'm learning that...

1. It's ok to let Jack cry a little when he wakes up in the middle of a nap, in hopes he'll put himself back to sleep. This works 50% of the time. We're shooting for 100%. Ok maybe 80%.
2. Other things can wait when it comes to setting aside time to be in the Word and to think on God and to pray.
3. My agenda often gets thrown out the window with a 5 month old in the house. This includes having a tidy house (though we try our best), getting exercise, and eating properly.
4. There's something to be said for getting to bed by 10:30, and maybe even doing a bit of leisurely reading before going to sleep.

This list is ironic in light of the fact that as I'm writing it, I had in mind to start my workout, but Jack woke up for the second time from napping and it doesn't sound like he'll be settling down anytime soon.

Back to the Drawing Board.

This weekend I am going to find time to make time to draw some illustrations for Jack's room in order to complete the look. You can see an example of my "work" here. I have a few ideas in mind - mostly including owls and something similar to this illustration, which already hangs in his room:

from Sarah Jane Studios on Etsy

Here are some other hand-drawn illustrations of hers

that I'm also "drawing" inspiration from, har har:

Also noteworthy is the "Little" book series - Little Pea, Little Hoot, and Little Oink - with illustrations drawn by Jen Corace. Along with owls, trees and little birds, I do love things that are decorated with pea pods and cute little peas... and these images seem easy enough to recreate or at least be used as a starting ground. So here's to hoping I can get some time to draw and exercise (as previously mentioned) between now and next Monday. If I'm feeling really ambitious, I may even paint.

Exercise (?)

I, like most other moms on the planet, would like to get my body back in better-than-pre-pregnancy-shape. The problem is - it's hard to find the time, not to mention the energy.

Do ya feel me?

Another obstacle is that our back room, where we keep the elliptical, is being occupied by our friend Cameron who will be living with us until May 21st when he gets married. The elliptical is still usable, but I obviously only feel comfortable using it when he's not home.

So that leaves me two options - go outside to work out or do my work out DVDs in the family room (also something I'd rather do when no one is home). And the outside option will quickly be eliminated once the winter weather sets in.

So my question again is - when and where should I go about getting back in shape!? It's a noble thought that I might get up in the wee hours of the morning, before the baby and any other household member is awake, but I barely have the energy to get out of bed to brush my teeth, let alone do a whole lot of jumping and squatting and sitting-upping.

It would seem that I'm listing all these excuses as a way to convince myself, more than anyone else, that I'm justified in my lack of physical activity. But I really do want to make an effort - it just seems so impossible. Maybe I can join that $9 a month gym around the corner from us?

Urghhhh - thank goodness breast feeding burns calories otherwise I'd have never made it back in my pre-prego jeans.

Isle of Man.

You haunt my dreams in the most beautiful way.

Were you a dream?

Our time together seems as though it were but a fleeting breath.

Then, now and always at the mere thought of you, time stops. I have peace of mind.

Oh, how I miss thee.

Lately.

a) Jack rolls over

b) Giant Eagle run

c) the beauty of a power outage