This is Me.

Sometimes I find windows open on my computer with old search engine entries. Like just a few minutes ago I clicked on a window I'd forgotten to close, and there staring at me from the Google search bar was 'Haley Joel Osment.' No joke. Why? Because I swear I saw him in a car commercial last night. I was wrong. For some reason I found this all very funny. I mean... its Haley Joel I-See-Dead-People Osment who hasn't been in a movie in years and I was probably the only person on earth Googling his name. But I'm pretty sure whoever reads this will think, "Why is she wasting my time with this story?"

Here are some other very critical things about me that I thought you should know:

I often get words stuck in my head whose definitions are unknown to me. By stuck I mean I'll be going about my day and the word will pop into my head and keep repeating itself. This has happened twice with the word diatribe. I have yet to ever use it in conversation. If you don't know the meaning of the word diatribe, look it up. I had to.

On the very rare occasion we'd eat at McDonald's growing up, I'd often go for the fries before the rest of the Happy Meal (it's all about the toy, peeps). So my mom would always say "Lauren, eat your hamburger please" because that's the most nutricious part of the meal, right? Twenty years later I watch Super Size Me and realize the fries were probably the safest part.

I hate shoelaces. They are what stand between me and going off and doing what I need to right this instant. I try to avoid shoes that have laces which is why I buy Toms and flats and flip flops. I have a pair of tennis shoes that I love but they have laces so its a bittersweet relationship. If there's an outfit I'm wearing that looks best with the lace-ups I'll stand in front of the shoe rack trying to decide whether I want to exert the effort to untie the laces (because you know I just slipped them off last time I wore them instead of untying them) and then retie them. In the time it takes me to make this decision, I probably could have just done the job.

That is all.