Friday, October 8, 2010

Black Cloud.

Tim is sick, so it sounds like I'm sleeping next to a hospital ventilator. Or Darth Vader. Or just a really stuffed-up, gurgling, snoring husband. Not fun - for either party.

It seems that a large, black cloud has drifted over our life recently. And it's promising to hang there for a good while. It's so hard to not become fixated on the "what ifs" and "if onlys." One particular piece of news has left a blemish on the idealistic life I so desperately try to hold onto. And if you know me at all, you know that I tend to let that one blemish overshadow any trace of beauty.

It's times like these that I long for an encounter with God - to hear His voice soft and clear - giving me some word of comfort. Some beam of hope that my worst fears won't soon be realized.

I want Him to make everything ok - to fix the situation to my understanding of a good outcome. It's so hard for me, in times of uncertainty, to trust that His idea of "good" is the true definition of the word.

Lord, help me, I'm scared.

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